Shifting aesthetics

This post comes from a conversation that I had with hubby this evening.

The more I get into quilting, the more I find my aesthetics shifting in ways that I never would have expected. Quilt tops that in the past I've not quite understood or have found down-right ugly are now growing on me.  It's a little bit scary.

It came up for me in this same blog post that I linked to previously where the woman's husband says: 

"You put such unusual colors together..."

That's how I often feel.  I don't understand why people would put such unusual colors together.  And I especially don't understand why they would put such crazy patterns together.  But now, as I start really looking at my daughter's quilt and the things I've picked out for the christmas project, I see myself doing the same thing.  I love what I see but I also wonder "what the hell are you thinking?!?!"

I'm glad I'm gaining insight into the quilting aesthetic and more of an appreciation for the technique behind it but hubby brought up the other thing that I worry about: losing my artistic edge and letting myself get boxed in by the conventional notions of quilting.

I think there's a balance to be made between learning the craft - and the aesthetic - of a new process while still bringing a new, fresh, personal edge to it.  It's a balance that  I mostly failed to do as an art major in college.  I had all sorts of new, fresh edginess - or so I thought - but now I just look aback and see poor technique.  There are quite a few photos that are horribly blown out (which was my aesthetic at the time *rolls eyes*) that could have possibly been pretty great if the technique and the aesthetic appreciation for the work that goes into a fine print had been there.

Every time I look at my name tag I feel kind of bad.  I like my aesthetic but I really dislike my quilting technique.  It could be so much better.  I'm not going to redo it before the next meeting (or possibly ever) but it bothers me.   I still love it but I hate it too.

The other night while I was moping around being sad about the fact that I am not yet an expert quilter hubby pointed out that I shouldn't even want to be an expert already.  Where would the challenge - and therefore the achievement - lie if I were already an expert.  There would be no room for growth.  This is about growth and learning and being okay with doing it poorly while I learn.

Still this is something I struggle with - something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember.  I'm used to things coming pretty easily for me. I did well in school with relatively little effort.  I never did great, though.  I also did similarly well in music and art but I've never reached my full potential because I never learned to have the will power to push through the hard parts where things aren't working out well so that I can learn and improve myself and eventually master a new technique and hopefully really be great at it.  I hope to maybe learn a little more of that as I learn the craft of quilting... while, hopefully, retaining my aesthetic.